Is your marriage in trouble? Are you trying to find a way to forgive your unfaithful husband, but aren’t having much luck? You are not alone if this is the case. Many women find it difficult to forgive and move on. There are certain things that can get in the way of you moving past his infidelity. One is post-affair images that you cannot seem to get out of your mind. If this is the case, the images will be like a continuous movie in your head. How do you get rid of them once and for all?
Many women try to fill in the blanks when it comes to the husband’s affair. Although the images displaying in your mind are not based on fact, you just can’t seem to get rid of them once and for all. Your mind uses the images to try to figure out why your husband cheated or what made his mistress so attractive. This damages your self-esteem though and needs to be stopped before you will be able to forgive your unfaithful husband.
Take control of the images rather than allowing them to control your life. Most likely these images appear in your mind whenever they want to. You can be grocery shopping or watching television and all of the sudden there they are. This makes you feel powerless. To prevent this from happening, set aside a quiet time where you can run through these items at your choosing. This needs to be an area where you can sit down alone and not worry about being interrupted. Once you have the time and place, let the images enter your mind. This will help you to forgive your unfaithful husband.
Once the images begin to play in your head, you are in control. Take creative license with these images and edit them however you would like to. Run it forwards and backwards, dress them in ridiculous clothing or give them horns. The choice is up to you and, by doing so, you will take control of these images and they will lose power. This is a huge step toward helping you to forgive your unfaithful husband.
Love is the cornerstone of a solid marriage, right? We’ve all been told that if there’s true love in a relationship it can survive anything. If that’s the case then why is it so hard to forgive your unfaithful husband, even though you love him still? After all, he promised he would never be unfaithful again, and he told you how sorry he was for what he did. And you desperately want to believe him.
Here’s the thing, though. I completely agree that love is the foundation of any successful marriage. But let’s think of it another way. Building a structure is a lot more complicated than just laying a foundation and hoping everything else will fall into place, and this is the key to why it’s so hard to forgive an unfaithful husband.
It’s true that a house needs a solid foundation to stand on. That’s definitely the first step to building something that will last, but what else does a house need? Walls and a roof perhaps?
Think of honesty and trust as the walls and the roof of your relationship. Now imagine that your husband’s having cheated on you was a tornado that’s basically leveled the marriage the two of you built together. Yes, your foundation of love is still there, but the rest of the house is completely destroyed! When you look at it like that, it’s a little more clear why you’re having so much trouble forgiving your unfaithful husband.
So the only way you’re going to be able to truly forgive your husband for being unfaithful is by rebuilding the trust you used to have in him. And while the burden of earning back your trust is mostly on his shoulders, it’s actually going to take both of you working together to do it.
You’re husband is going to have to look at the trust situation from your point of view. That is, he will have to understand that blind faith in his telling the truth about where he goes and what he’s doing is simply not possible for you. If he’s honest with himself, he’ll see that your reservations about his trustworthiness are not unreasonable.
So what action will it take on your husband’s part to earn back your trust and allow you to forgive him for being unfaithful?
In a word: Transparency. The two of you will need to get used to communicating more of the details of what is happening in your lives when you’re not together. Being able to verify each other’s whereabouts and interactions with others is the key to rebuilding the lost trust in your marriage and to eventually being able to forgive an unfaithful husband.
Now it’s going to seem pretty tedious at first, and it’s going to take some conscious effort. But if the two of you are consistent and persist at learning this new skill, it will eventually become a natural part of your relationship. You’re simply learning a new habit.
The steps to learning that habit are pretty simple and straight-forward, though, and here’s the biggest one. Call and let the other spouse know if you’re going to be late getting home! The biggest enemy of trust in a relationship as well as the ability to forgive a husband’s infidelity is the imagination. If you’re sitting at home wondering where he’s at, your mind can’t help filling in the blanks with all sorts of sordid images. A simple phone call and a quick (and logical) explanation will do wonders for quieting that little, distrusting voice.
Other things to think about doing are sharing emails and texts that you’ve received from people, talking about things that happened to you that day and always trying to answer your phone. The fewer the number of blank spots in your husband’s life that your imagination can fill, the easier it is to be able to trust him and get on with the process of forgiving him for being unfaithful to you.
Calling each other for no reason whatsoever, other than to say you were thinking about the other spouse, is another great way to build trust. Proving that you’re in each other’s thoughts increases the security in one another’s motivation for the things they do.
When you and your husband begin to realize that trust cannot always be given but rather needs to be earned, then you’re on the path to being able to forgive an unfaithful husband. The two of you, by working together to rebuild the “walls and roof” of your marriage, will begin to understand that you have achieved something valuable, and that recognition makes the temptation for either of you to ever stray again drop to almost zero. Trust in each other then follows naturally!
Marriage is something that people seem to not take as seriously as they should. The sad thing is that many tend to realize just how special their marriage is only after they have ruined it. One problem that seems to occur more and more as time goes on is cheating. Cheating is arguably the worst thing a man could ever do to his wife. Wives all over the world who have had a husband cheat on them are wondering how or if they could ever forgive their husband and try to make the marriage work again. It’s a personal choice, but hopefully this blog post will help show women how to forgive an unfaithful husband even though it may seem impossible to do.
It’s important to not start thinking about divorce. Divorce should be the last resort couples take and should hardly ever be considered before other things are tried first. The most important thing to do in order to possibly forgive your unfaithful husband is to talk to him about it. It may seem very hard to talk to the man who just damaged the marriage, but it’s important to realize why it happened, if it can be fixed, and try to understand the entire situation. A better understanding of his view will lead to less anger and a better chance of reconciliation.
If simply talking to him doesn’t do anything, it’s time to possibly see a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor may be able to get to the root cause of why he cheated and see if there are more problems with the marriage than him simply cheating, which is usually the case. A marriage counselor could also act as a mediator and try to resolve any and all issues. A marriage counselor can also help people express themselves, which releases a lot of anger that could be built up inside when cheated on by a husband. This could provide any woman with a better understanding of the situation, which could lead a woman to be able to forgive an unfaithful husband at times.
Lastly, it’s very important for wives to talk with friends and family. Friends and family members could provide a different point of view that a wife wouldn’t normally be able to see from her own vantage point. Again, this different view may lead to a better understanding of the situation and less understanding essentially leads to less anger. They can provide helpful advice and will be doing so in the best interests of their friend. Also, they can offer a shoulder to cry on during this tough time! Hopefully this post has been beneficial to wives everywhere wondering how they could possibly forgive their unfaithful husband and avoid divorce.
Discovering your husband has had an affair is obviously devastating for many women. Anger, embarrassment and hopelessness are at the top of the list of powerful emotions that you may be going through in the days after finding out. The emotions can be overwhelming. So being able to forgive your husband for being unfaithful probably doesn’t seem too realistic at the moment. That’s natural.
But did you know that powerful negative emotions can take a physical toll on you as well? Let’s examine how dealing with the stress caused by an extramarital affair can impact your health.
Human relationships – especially those between a husband and wife – that are stable and healthy can improve your overall health. That is because having a support system in place when you run into stressful situations in life can reduce the overall stress you experience. We need to have people around us we can trust. We’re social beings.
But what happens when your husband is unfaithful? It’s one of the most stressful things you can go through, and by definition, you’ve had your support system stripped away. The person you would be most likely to lean on in times of stress is now the cause of some of the most painful stress you’ve ever felt!
So it’s natural you should want to forgive your unfaithful husband so that you can have your support system back, but it’s hard to forgive someone who’s hurt you so badly. In fact, I submit to you that it’s even unhealthy to try to forgive him – at least right away. You would have to bury your emotional pain in order to do that, and that’s perhaps the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Before you try to forgive your unfaithful husband try to reach a state of acceptance about what has happened to you. As I’ve written in earlier posts, acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with his infidelity, only that you have decided to tolerate it. You’ve told yourself that you accept that there’s nothing you can do to change the past.
Let me outline some steps you can take that will greatly help you move toward a state of acceptance…
1) Give a Name to Your Pain – Before you can move forward toward acceptance, and eventually forgiving an unfaithful husband you’re going to need to fully understand what exactly you’re feeling. The best way to acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling is by “giving them a name,” so to speak. Take some time to ask yourself a few important questions and to reflect on the answers you come up with, possibly even writing them down. Ask yourself:
- What thoughts and emotions are disturbing you most?
- Can you describe the emotions that are getting the best of you? Are they rage, jealousy, humiliation, despair or some type of melting pot of more than one of these?
- What are the feelings you can identify when you think about your husband?
- What sequence of events or thoughts or images keeps playing again and again in your mind?
Once you start to get a handle on identifying your emotions (instead of just suffering from them) you can begin the next step toward reaching a place of acceptance. And that step is to…
2) Deal With and Process Your Feelings – Rather than Burying Them – You’ve got a much better idea of what you’re dealing with now that you’ve named your emotions, but that does you no good at all if you choose to hide from what you’re feeling. Stress and negative emotions are insipid if not dealt with. They’re like “acid for the soul” as well as physically unhealthy when you try to bury them inside you. They can poison any chance you have for accepting his infidelity and eventually being able to forgive an unfaithful husband.
Simply stopping and taking a deep breath can be one of the most effective strategies for addressing and processing your emotions. Try this: When a flash of pain shoots through you just take a deep breath in through your nose and then let it out through your mouth. As you do, tell yourself to “relax.”
Another tactic is to find distractions from your everyday life. Watch a movie, preferably a funny one. Go for a walk or just take a nice hot bath. Sure the problem of how to forgive your unfaithful husband, as well as a lot of the emotional pain, will still be there afterward, but now you’ll find you have renewed strength and clarity for dealing with them.
Talk to your friends. If you have good friends they want to help you through this difficult time. Just being able to talk to even one good friend can be a fabulous support system for you as you try to deal with a cheating spouse.
3) There’s No Deadline for Acceptance – Accept when you’re ready. There doesn’t have to be a timetable, and everyone is different as far as what they feel. Acceptance of your husband’s affair is a feeling you’ll reach after you gain an understanding of what your feelings are and how they affect you, and this is different with everybody. As you process the emotions you’re feeling they’ll start to move from the forefront of your mind, and that’s when acceptance of your husband’s unfaithfulness starts to take hold.
As the powerful feelings start to lose their grip on you and acceptance starts to seep into your mind, then you can begin to work on things like trust and forgiveness that are vital to restoring and improving your relationship together. You may find that ultimately being able to forgive your unfaithful husband, and the return of your healthier self, will simply happen naturally.
Have you recently found out that your husband has been cheating on you? For a lot of women this revelation strikes like a bolt from the blue. One day you’re just going about your daily life when your husband sits you down and delivers the news that he’s done the unthinkable, he’s been with another woman.
Infidelity hits you like a punch in the stomach, and a flood horrible feelings, thoughts and images pours through your head. And as all this is happening he’s asking you to forgive him! But how can you ever come to terms with what he’s done to you? How do you ever forgive an unfaithful husband?
Maybe your situation is a little different in terms of the details of how you found out about your husband’s infidelity. You may have suspected for a while that your spouse was cheating, or perhaps it was the other woman that told you. Regardless, at some point, if you decide to move on with your life together then you’re definitely going to run into the problem of how to forgive your husband for being unfaithful to you and to the sacred vows he took.
A big obstacle to forgiving an unfaithful husband that a lot of women run into is the perception of forgiveness that society imposes on us from an early age.
We’ve all heard stories about the victim of some heinous crime forgiving the criminal. Or of parents of a slain child forgiving the murderer. And if you’re the type of person that is capable of that sort of total forgiveness then that’s wonderful. You’re way ahead of the curve, so to speak.
But for most of us, forgiving someone for wronging us is not an easy task. And the bigger the transgression the more difficult it is to navigate your way through the tangle of emotions and find your way to truly forgiving someone. Forgiving your husband for cheating on you is one of the hardest.
In fact, let’s take it one step further, and say that trying to quickly – or even instantly – forgive your husband for his infidelity may actually be counterproductive in the long run.
Even though you might say that you’ve forgiven your husband for being unfaithful, all the negative thoughts and emotions, as well as those haunting images you may be experiencing, are all still there. They’re simmering just below the surface, and your attempt to forgive fails to take into account your need deal with them.
Try the Acceptance Alternative
Reaching a state of acceptance about your husband having been unfaithful means that you’re willing or able to simply tolerate the fact of his infidelity. Accepting that something horrible has happened in your marriage is the first step to being able to move on with your life together.
You don’t have to like it. Just be willing to say, “I accept that my husband cheated on me, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m going to accept and deal with the feelings that I have and just move forward”
This is all assuming that your husband is willing to accept the responsibility of putting in a lot of work on his character and rebuilding trust. (A subject for another blog post) But once you accept that your husband was unfaithful and you accept your feeling toward that fact, the process of real healing can begin.
And guess what the result of letting yourself heal properly will be? Over time a natural forgiveness toward your husband will begin to grow on its own as the bad feelings begin to fade into the background.
Your husband was unfaithful to you, but you still deeply love him and you want to forgive him for his infidelity. You know it’s the only way your marriage will survive. Maybe you’ve come to the point of acceptance and now you just want to move on and start rebuilding your relationship making it stronger than ever before.
There’s just one huge problem that you can’t seem to find your way around. It’s how to trust your husband to never break your heart again.
Your husband says he wants your forgiveness for being unfaithful, but of course he would “say” that. What guarantee do you have that temptation isn’t ever going to get the best of him somewhere down the road? How do you know?
This is almost always the single greatest barrier to being able to forgive an unfaithful husband, and unfortunately, like so many things in life, there just aren’t any guarantees that he won’t ever do it again.
There are, however, steps you can take to increase your natural feelings of trust in your husband. In the end though, it’s going to come down to you making your best guess about whether your previously unfaithful husband can be trusted now.
Here are the two biggest factors in deciding to trust that your husband will never again commit adultery:
1) Does Your Husband Understand Your Pain? – Probably the best sign that your husband is willing to recommit to the vows he took would be that he truly understands the pain he caused you. In other word, can you sense that he feels real remorse, guilt over the implications of infidelity and cheating on you and undermining the relationship?
No hedging his position or making excuses. He needs to take full responsibility for what he’s done to you. He will have to accept that there are changes he’ll need to make to guarantee to you that he can be trusted not to put you through this kind of heartache ever again. If he doesn’t understand your emotional pain it makes it much more difficult to ever grant him your trust and eventually forgive an unfaithful husband.
Just try not to put him on the defensive, though, as you express your emotional turmoil to him. Just explain to him how you feel without accusing or attacking him. It’s human nature for him to defend himself if he feels like he’s being attacked, and even though he might feel deeply ashamed about having been unfaithful to his marriage, you won’t be able to tell because your conversation has devolved into a fight.
2) What Can You Change? – Make no mistake, for your unfaithful husband to ever receive your true forgiveness, the bulk of the changes are going to have to be his. He needs to prove his trustworthiness to you. Just the same, there are probably some factors in your marriage and your personal life that can help make fidelity a more appealing choice for him if he’s ever tempted again to stray.
So look back and see if you can identify areas that you could have done better in. They could be things like not paying enough attention to him of taking him for granted because you were tired. Maybe you gained some weight.
Obviously this is not to say your husband’s infidelity is your fault, but taking care of minor areas like this on your side of the relationship can really help you in the long run toward being able to forgive your unfaithful husband. This is simply because you’ll now have a small feeling of control when it comes to his actions.
Accepting what he did and eventually being able to forgive an unfaithful husband may be one of the hardest things you ever attempt to do, but if you’re willing to try to give him another chance at being true to his vows you can start to move forward with your life with the goal of making your marriage stronger than ever before.
Coming Soon. Valuable advice and tips for how to deal with the pain of infidelity and how to forgive an unfaithful husband.